I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
