In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
