Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
