i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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