Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fuck appropriateness.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
