Yo dont text me then not text me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
