Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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