My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
