do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
