Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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