The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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