Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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