I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
