I'm really into asian looking animals
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize