he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
