The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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