I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
