im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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