i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
