Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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