You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
