Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
