I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
