you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
