Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
