you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
