How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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