Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
