Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize