You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
