I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
