You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
