Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize