i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We are two peas in an std pod
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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