He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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