Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
