Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
