Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize