nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
