Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize