I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
