when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
