i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
