i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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