God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
