you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
