So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
