if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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