Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
