if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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