I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize