he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Panties = found
Randomize