he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
