im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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