how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
