I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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