this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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