I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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