Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
