so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize