Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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