Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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