I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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