You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize