Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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