the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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