I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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