He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
